Holidays and Moving Past the Past
As the holidays approach, I find myself and my clients caught in the familiar trap of striving for a perfect life. On TV and in all kinds of media, we see pictures of “perfect” families at an incredibly abundant holiday table. This quest for perfection is part of a more significant problem that creates stress and unhappiness around the holidays.
The problem is that when we engage in family events and interact in the context of our history, we tend to regress in many ways. It isn’t easy to bring together who we are now and who we once were when faced with old family dynamics.
During family events, it is essential to maintain firm boundaries. Some ways to develop healthy boundaries are;
1. Get into your subconscious mind. Figure out what the cause of your negative feelings is. When it becomes conscious, you can much more easily deal with it.
2. Don’t buy into it. In other words, you don’t have to act like you are still 12; it is a choice. You can and do choose the thoughts you have daily. Don’t let someone make you feel bad.
3. Increase self confidence. By feeling more confident, you can avoid taking on unnecessary negativity. Remember what you do for others and let go of what you can’t control. Remember all your life’s successes and reframe your family’s reactions or actions.
4. Practice forgiveness. If you can forgive others, you can also forgive yourself.
5. Mentally prepare to be consciously positive. Notice if the conversation is headed to something negative and redirect to something more positive. You can redirect conversation reasonably quickly if you mentally prepare with subjects everyone can relate to and enjoy.
6. Feel grateful. This is what defines the holiday season. By practicing gratitude and being thankful, we connect to our positive experiences and feel good in the process.
7. Take time for yourself. If feeling pressed, know that you can leave.
If you feel negative and cannot move past your past, you can leave. Go for a walk, find a room to be alone in, or just leave. Give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
8. Maintain your sense of humor. Be willing to laugh at yourself. Laughter can release tension and create a bond around the past in a positive way.
I work with many people during the holidays who have negative feelings that decrease their enjoyment. Changing the way you think changes your perception and, therefore, your feelings. By taking care of yourself and setting boundaries, you become more able to enjoy the holidays and positively impact the lives of others.
